Online dating has helped many nurses find love, especially those working long shifts far from home. But it has also created opportunities for criminals. Romance scams, where a fraudster builds a fake relationship to steal money, are among the most financially damaging forms of fraud reported to authorities in the US, UK, Australia and elsewhere. Nurses working abroad can be particularly attractive targets: scammers see a steady income, long lonely hours, distance from family, and a caring personality.
This is not about being foolish. Romance scammers are professionals who use well-tested psychological scripts. Anyone can be deceived. Knowing the patterns is the best protection.
How romance scams usually unfold
- Contact: on a dating app, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, or even a “wrong number” WhatsApp message.
- Fast intimacy: lots of attention, compliments, “good morning” messages, talk of destiny and marriage within days or weeks.
- Moving off the platform to WhatsApp, Telegram or another private app.
- A reason they can’t meet: working on an oil rig, deployed in the military, a doctor with an aid organisation, an engineer on a ship, a businessman travelling.
- A crisis: a medical emergency, customs fees, a frozen bank account, a flight ticket to come and see you, a business deal that needs a short-term loan.
- Escalation: requests grow, often with guilt, urgency or threats to end the relationship.
The investment variant
A growing type of scam combines romance with fake investments, often cryptocurrency. The “partner” never asks for money directly. Instead, they casually show you how much they are earning on a trading platform and offer to teach you. The platform looks real and shows your “profits” growing, until you try to withdraw and are told to pay “taxes” or “fees” first. The money is gone.
Red flags
- They avoid video calls, or the camera is always “broken”, or the video is very short and blurry.
- Their photos look like a model or are very polished. A reverse image search finds them under other names.
- They profess love very quickly.
- Their stories have inconsistencies (age, location, job details).
- They ask you to keep the relationship secret from friends and family.
- They ask for money, gift cards, cryptocurrency, or for you to receive and forward money or parcels for them. (Moving money for someone else can make you part of money laundering.)
- They pressure you with urgency or emotional blackmail.
- They ask for intimate photos. These can later be used for sextortion.
How to date online safely
- Video call early, and more than once. A real person interested in you will want to see you.
- Reverse image search their photos.
- Talk to a trusted friend about the relationship. Secrecy helps scammers; daylight protects you.
- Never send money to someone you have not met in person, however convincing the story.
- Don’t share sensitive details: passport, PIN or registration numbers, bank details, home address early on.
- Meet in public for first dates, tell someone where you are, and arrange your own transport.
- Be wary of anyone who tries to move you off the dating app immediately.
- Avoid sending intimate images.
A quick test
Ask yourself: Have I met this person, or had a live video conversation where I clearly saw their face? Do people I trust know about them? Have they ever asked me for money or financial help? If the answers are no, no, and yes, step back and take advice before doing anything else.
If you think you’ve been scammed
- Stop all payments and contact.
- Contact your bank immediately: they may be able to stop or recall transfers.
- Keep evidence: messages, profiles, transaction records.
- Report it: to the police, your country’s fraud reporting service (for example Action Fraud in England and Wales, the FBI’s IC3 in the US, Scamwatch in Australia, the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre), and to the dating site or social platform.
- Beware of “recovery” scams: people who contact you offering to get your money back for a fee are often scammers too.
- If you’re being threatened with intimate images, don’t pay; report to police and the platform. Many countries have dedicated support services.
Look after your heart, too
Victims often feel deep shame and grief, not only for the money but for the relationship they believed was real. That grief is valid. Talk to someone you trust, and consider professional support. You were targeted by criminals; you did nothing to deserve it. See our guide on healing after heartbreak.
Real love can still be found online
Many happy couples met online. The goal isn’t to fear dating, but to date wisely. Genuine partners are patient, consistent and happy to meet, video call and be introduced to your friends. See our guide on dating as a nurse.
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