Many nurses spend all day giving care, then come home with little left to give. Partners can feel neglected, while nurses can feel unappreciated. One popular way of thinking about this is the idea of “love languages”, from Gary Chapman’s bestselling book The 5 Love Languages. It suggests that people tend to express and receive love in different ways. It’s a framework rather than hard science, but many couples find it a helpful starting point for conversations.
The five “love languages”
- Words of affirmation: compliments, encouragement, “I love you”, “I’m proud of you”.
- Quality time: undivided attention.
- Acts of service: doing helpful things.
- Gifts: thoughtful tokens, big or small.
- Physical touch: hugs, holding hands, closeness.
The key insight: we often show love in the way we like to receive it, which may not be how our partner feels loved. Talking about it helps.
Ideas for busy schedules
Words
- A voice note on your break: “Thinking of you.”
- A note on the pillow before a night shift.
- Say thank you for specific things: “Thank you for keeping the house quiet so I could sleep.”
Quality time
- A phone-free breakfast after your night shift, before you sleep.
- A weekly walk, even 20 minutes.
- Cooking together on a day off.
Acts of service
- Partner: have food ready when the nurse gets home; iron uniforms; do the school run after a night shift.
- Nurse: on a day off, take a task your partner usually does.
Gifts
- Their favourite snack, comfortable shoes for long shifts, a good flask.
- Gifts don’t need to be expensive; thoughtfulness is the point.
Physical touch
- A long hug at the door; a shoulder or foot rub after a 12-hour shift.
- Sitting close while watching something together.
Asking for what you need
Partners can’t read minds, especially when you come home silent and exhausted. Try telling them clearly: “When I get home from a hard shift, what helps most is 30 minutes of quiet, then a hug and a chat.” Or: “I feel loved when you notice how hard I’m working.” Equally, ask your partner what makes them feel loved, and listen.
Love across distance
If you’re apart because of work abroad, these still apply: regular messages and calls, care packages, watching a film together online, planning visits. See our guide on long-distance love after japa.
Don’t forget to receive
Nurses are often better at giving care than accepting it. Let your partner care for you too. A relationship where both people feel cared for is the strongest kind.
More on love and relationships: How to argue better · Keeping your marriage strong through shift work