Before marriage, Friday nights were for friends. Then came the wedding, the baby, the night shifts, the move abroad, and suddenly it’s been a year since you spoke to your best friend properly. Many people find their friendships shrink after marriage and parenthood. But strong friendships aren’t a threat to marriage; they’re good for it. No single person can meet all of our social and emotional needs.
Why friends matter for married people
- They support your mental health and identity outside your roles as spouse and parent.
- They give your partner a break from being your only confidant.
- They offer perspective during tough times.
- They’re especially important for international nurses far from family.
Practical ways to keep friendships alive
- Schedule it: a monthly catch-up, a standing call.
- Voice notes work well across time zones and shifts.
- Combine activities: walk together, meet at the gym, bring the children to a park.
- Group chats keep connections going between visits.
- Show up for milestones: birthdays, births, funerals.
- Be honest: “Life is crazy with the baby, but I miss you.”
Balance with your partner
- Talk openly about how much time each of you needs with friends.
- Support each other’s friendships, including by covering childcare.
- Keep confidences: avoid sharing private marital details your partner would be hurt by.
- Friendships with the opposite sex: agree on boundaries that you’re both comfortable with, built on trust rather than control.
Couple friends
Friendships with other couples can be wonderful: shared meals, family outings, and seeing other healthy marriages up close. Nurse couples often bond over shared experiences of shift work.
When your partner dislikes a friend
- Listen to the reason. Sometimes partners notice genuine problems (a friend who is disrespectful or unsupportive of your marriage).
- Other times it’s insecurity or jealousy. Discuss calmly.
- A partner who tries to cut you off from all friends and family is showing a warning sign of control. See emotional abuse and gaslighting.
Reconnecting with a lost friend
It’s rarely too late. A simple message, “I was thinking of you and realised it’s been too long. How are you?”, can reopen the door. Apologise if you drifted away, without excessive guilt.
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