Around the world, men are less likely than women to be diagnosed with depression, yet in most countries men die by suicide at much higher rates, according to the World Health Organization. Men are also more likely to use alcohol or drugs to cope and less likely to see a healthcare provider about their emotional health.
This guide explains why men often suffer in silence, how depression and anxiety can look different in men, warning signs that need urgent help, how to start a conversation with a man you are worried about, and what support can help.
Imagine your brother has been “working late” every night for months. He has stopped playing football, snaps at his children and drinks more at weekends. When you ask if he is okay, he laughs: “Just busy.” He has never said he is sad, so nobody thinks of depression. One evening he finally says, “I don’t see the point of anything.” Many families only recognise depression in men at this stage. Knowing the signs earlier can change everything.
Why men often do not seek help
- Expectations of strength: many cultures teach boys that men should be tough, provide and not show emotion.
- Stigma: fear of being seen as weak or “crazy”.
- Different language: men may describe stress, tiredness or anger rather than sadness.
- Practical barriers: work hours, cost, and services that feel designed for women.
- Self-reliance: preferring to “sort it out myself”.
- Religious or community pressures in some settings.
How depression can look different in men
| Common in men | Example |
|---|---|
| Irritability and anger | Short temper, outbursts at home or work |
| Escape behaviours | Working excessively, gaming, gambling, spending time away |
| Substance use | Drinking more, using drugs to sleep or relax |
| Risk-taking | Dangerous driving, fights, unsafe sex |
| Physical complaints | Headaches, stomach problems, back pain, fatigue |
| Withdrawal | Stopping hobbies, avoiding friends |
| Sleep changes | Insomnia or sleeping much more |
| Loss of interest in sex | Sometimes the first sign |
Life events that raise risk
- Job loss, financial problems or business failure.
- Relationship breakdown, divorce, separation from children.
- Bereavement.
- Serious illness or disability.
- Retirement.
- Migration and isolation.
- Becoming a father: men can experience depression after a baby is born too.
Warning signs that need urgent help
Seek help immediately if a man:
- talks about wanting to die, being a burden or having no reason to live;
- searches for or obtains means to harm himself;
- gives away possessions or says goodbye;
- shows sudden calm after a period of deep distress;
- is using alcohol or drugs heavily along with these signs.
If someone is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number or take them to the nearest emergency department. Stay with them if it is safe to do so.
How to start a conversation
- Choose the right moment: side by side often works better than face to face: walking, driving, watching a match.
- Be specific: “You’ve seemed stressed since the job changed. How are you really doing?”
- Ask twice: “I’m fine” is often a first answer. “Are you sure? I’m here if you want to talk.”
- Listen without fixing: do not rush to advice.
- Ask directly about suicide if you are worried. Asking does not put the idea in someone’s head; it shows you care.
- Encourage help: offer to help find a nurse, counsellor or healthcare provider, or to go with him.
- Follow up: check in again in a few days.
What helps
- Talking therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy.
- Medicines for moderate to severe depression, prescribed and reviewed by a healthcare provider.
- Peer groups and men’s groups, which many men find easier than one-to-one therapy.
- Physical activity, which improves mood.
- Reducing alcohol, which worsens depression.
- Connection: friends, faith communities, sports teams and family.
For nurses and healthcare providers
Men may come to clinics with physical complaints, injuries or alcohol problems rather than mood. Ask about mood, sleep, alcohol and stress routinely, use simple screening questions, and normalise help-seeking. Male nurses can be powerful role models too. See also our guide to men’s health awareness.
Frequently asked questions
Why do men avoid talking about mental health?
Because of expectations of strength, stigma, self-reliance and services that do not feel designed for them.
What are signs of depression in men?
Irritability, anger, withdrawal, overworking, drinking more, risk-taking, sleep problems and physical complaints.
Should I ask a man if he is thinking about suicide?
Yes, if you are worried. Asking directly is safe and can open the door to help.
Where can men get help?
From a nurse or healthcare provider, counsellors, men’s peer groups, crisis helplines and emergency services if in danger.
But will he be angry if I ask?
He might be at first. But many men later say they were relieved someone noticed. A moment of discomfort is far better than silence.
Your next step: Think of one man in your life who has seemed different lately. Send him a message today, or invite him for a walk, and ask how he is really doing.
Related: Men’s health awareness · Testicular self-exam · Low testosterone
Sources: World Health Organization suicide and depression fact sheets; national mental health guidance on depression in adults. This is a sensitive topic: if you are struggling, please contact a healthcare provider, a local crisis line or emergency services.
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