Tantrums are a normal part of growing up, especially between ages one and four. Toddlers have big feelings and not yet the words or self-control to manage them. How adults respond makes a real difference.
Imagine your two-year-old throwing herself on the supermarket floor because you said no to sweets. Everyone is watching. You kneel down, keep your voice calm, name her feeling, and wait. The storm passes, and you leave without the sweets but with your patience intact.
Why tantrums happen
- Frustration at not being able to do or say something
- Tiredness, hunger or overstimulation
- Wanting independence and control
- Changes in routine
Preventing tantrums
- Keep regular meals, snacks and naps
- Give simple choices (“red cup or blue cup?”)
- Warn before transitions (“five more minutes, then home”)
- Praise good behaviour specifically
- Avoid situations you know are hard, like shopping when they’re tired
During a tantrum
- Stay calm and keep them safe
- Name the feeling: “You’re cross because we have to leave”
- Don’t give in to the demand, or tantrums can become a strategy
- Offer comfort once they’re ready
- Avoid shouting or smacking, which increase aggression
But when should I get advice?
Talk to a health visitor, child health nurse or doctor if tantrums are very frequent or long, continue past age five, involve hurting themselves or others, or come with speech delay, regression, poor sleep or problems at nursery. Also seek support if you feel at breaking point. Asking for help is a strength.
Your next step: Notice when your child’s tantrums usually happen this week. Spotting patterns like tiredness or hunger is the easiest way to prevent the next one.
Sources: UNICEF (Parenting), American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org), World Health Organization (Nurturing care), NHS (Temper tantrums).
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