Nurses talk to patients about sexual health every day, yet many find it awkward to have the same conversation with their own partner. Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are very common worldwide; WHO estimates more than a million curable STIs are acquired every day. Many cause no symptoms but can lead to infertility, pregnancy complications and other problems. Talking openly protects both of you and builds trust.
When to talk
- Before becoming sexually intimate with a new partner, not in the moment.
- Before stopping condoms in a relationship.
- Before marriage or trying for a baby.
- After either of you has had another partner.
How to bring it up
- Choose a calm, private moment.
- Make it about caring for each other: “I really care about you and want us both to be healthy. Can we talk about getting tested?”
- Share your own status and history first; it encourages openness.
- Use a positive framing: “We could go together.”
- Expect some awkwardness; that’s normal.
What to discuss
- Testing history and plans: HIV, syphilis, hepatitis B and C, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, and others as advised.
- Contraception: who will use what, and condoms for STI protection. See family planning.
- Vaccinations: hepatitis B and HPV.
- Exclusivity expectations.
- HIV prevention options if relevant. See PrEP and PEP.
Getting tested together
Many clinics offer couples testing and counselling. Doing it together can feel supportive and removes suspicion. Remember that some infections have “window periods” before tests become positive, so retesting may be needed.
If someone tests positive
- Stay calm. Most STIs are treatable or manageable.
- A positive result doesn’t automatically mean infidelity; some infections can be present for years without symptoms.
- Both partners may need treatment to avoid passing the infection back and forth.
- For HIV: with effective treatment and an undetectable viral load, HIV is not transmitted sexually (U=U), and people live long, healthy lives. Many couples with different HIV statuses have healthy relationships and children.
- For hepatitis B: the partner should be tested and vaccinated if not immune.
- Seek counselling if the news is distressing.
Consent and respect
No one should be pressured into sex or into unprotected sex. Disclosing status is important, and in some countries non-disclosure of certain infections has legal consequences, but disclosure should be safe. If you fear violence when disclosing, seek support from a counsellor or clinic first.
More on love and relationships: Premarital health checks · 40 questions before marriage
Based on WHO sexually transmitted infections fact sheets and guidance. General information; speak to a health professional about your situation.