Should I Stay or Leave? Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Relationship

Deciding whether to stay or leave a relationship is one of the hardest choices people face. There is no quiz that can decide for you, but the right questions can bring clarity.

Imagine lying awake after another argument, replaying the good years and the bad months, unsure whether you are giving up too soon or staying too long.

Questions to ask yourself

• Do I feel safe, physically and emotionally?
• Do we both still want this to work?
• Can we talk about problems without contempt?
• Have I told my partner clearly what needs to change?
• Have we tried counselling or other help?
• Do I feel more like myself or less like myself in this relationship?

Signs it may be repairable

• Both of you are willing to work on it
• There is still respect and affection
• Problems are linked to a stressful phase, such as a new baby or job
• You can laugh together sometimes

Warning signs

• Violence, threats or fear
• Control over your money, phone, friends or movements
• Repeated cheating without remorse
• Constant contempt or humiliation

Getting support

Talk to a trusted friend, a counsellor or a helpline. If you are in danger, contact local emergency services or a domestic abuse support service.

Frequently asked questions

Should I stay for the children?

Children are affected by ongoing conflict as well as by separation. A counsellor can help you think through what is best for your family.

Is it normal to feel unsure?

Yes. Many people feel uncertain for a long time. Taking time and getting support is reasonable.

But I’m afraid of being alone

That fear is understandable. Building support around you can help, whatever you decide.

Sources: World Health Organization guidance on intimate partner violence, Relate, American Psychological Association.