In many cultures, meeting your partner’s family is a big step, sometimes the first formal step towards marriage. Whether it’s a relaxed Sunday lunch in Manchester, a visit to the village in Enugu, a formal introduction ceremony in Ghana or Kenya, or a video call to parents in Manila, it can be nerve-wracking. A little preparation goes a long way.
Before the meeting
- Ask your partner for a briefing: who will be there, names and titles (Mum, Aunty, Uncle, Chief), family dynamics, topics to avoid.
- Learn the customs: greetings (kneeling, prostrating, handshakes, bowing), whether shoes come off, how elders are addressed, whether men and women sit separately, dietary or religious practices.
- Learn a few words in their language if it’s different from yours. Even a greeting shows respect.
- Agree on how you’ll handle questions about marriage, children or money.
- Plan your rota: don’t come straight off a night shift if you can avoid it.
What to wear and bring
- Dress modestly and neatly, a little more formal than you think. Ask your partner what’s appropriate.
- Bring a thoughtful gift: fruit, drinks (non-alcoholic if the family doesn’t drink), pastries, or something from your hometown.
- For formal introductions, there may be specific customary items; your partner or family elders will advise.
During the visit
- Greet everyone, starting with elders.
- Offer to help: carrying dishes, washing up. Let them decide whether to accept.
- Eat what you’re offered (politely decline only if dietary or religious reasons apply).
- Ask questions about them: their work, their home town, how they met, family stories.
- Talk about your nursing work positively and modestly. Families often love hearing about it.
- Keep phones away.
- Avoid controversial topics like politics or religion unless they raise them, and listen respectfully.
- Moderate affection in front of family, according to their norms.
Handling tricky questions
- “When are you getting married?” – “We’re taking it step by step, and we’ll be sure to tell you first!”
- “How much do you earn?” – “Nursing has been good to me, and I’m working hard to build a future.”
- “Will you move abroad?” – “We’re thinking about our future together and will make the decision as a team.”
- Questions about your genotype or health – these are reasonable in some cultures; answer as you and your partner have agreed. See premarital health checks.
Meeting by video call
For nurses abroad, the first meeting is often on video. Choose a quiet, well-lit space, dress as you would in person, check the connection, and consider time zones. Let your partner make the introduction.
Afterwards
- Send a thank-you message.
- Talk with your partner about how it went.
- If it went badly, stay calm. First impressions can change, and families often need time, particularly across cultures or faiths. See love across cultures.
- Your partner should stand with you if family members are disrespectful.
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