Grief: Coping With Loss and When to Get Help

Grief is the natural response to losing someone or something you love. It can arrive in waves, change over time and affect your sleep, appetite, concentration and health. There’s no right way to do it.

Imagine six months after your mother died, you’re coping well at work, then a song in the supermarket leaves you in tears in the car park. You wonder if something is wrong with you. It isn’t. Grief often comes in waves, and those moments are part of carrying love for someone who’s gone.

Common reactions

• Shock, numbness and disbelief
• Sadness, yearning and crying
• Anger, guilt or regret
• Anxiety and worry about the future
• Tiredness, poor sleep, appetite changes and aches
• Trouble concentrating

The well-known “stages of grief” aren’t a fixed sequence. Many people move back and forth between grieving and getting on with daily life, which is healthy.

Ways to cope

• Talk about the person and your feelings with people you trust
• Keep basic routines: meals, sleep and some movement each day
• Accept practical help when it’s offered
• Plan ahead for hard days like anniversaries and holidays
• Find ways to remember them, such as rituals, writing or photos
• Be wary of using alcohol to numb feelings

But when does grief need extra help?

For some people, grief stays intense and disabling for a long time. Consider speaking to a doctor, bereavement counsellor or support group if, many months on, you can’t function day to day, feel life has no meaning, avoid all reminders, or are using alcohol or drugs to cope. Prolonged grief disorder is a recognised condition, and talking therapies help.

If you’re having thoughts of ending your life, contact emergency services or a crisis line straight away.

Sources: World Health Organization (ICD-11 prolonged grief disorder), American Psychological Association (Grief), Cruse Bereavement Support, Mind.