Couples Counselling: When to Get Help and What to Expect

Many couples wait years too long before getting help. Couples counselling is not a last resort. It works best when problems are caught early.

Imagine having the same argument for the fifth time this month, about chores, money or night shifts, and both of you feeling unheard. A counsellor can help you break the loop.

Signs it might help

• The same arguments keep repeating
• You feel more like housemates than partners
• Trust has been broken
• A big change, such as a baby, move or illness, is straining you
• You avoid talking about important things

What happens in sessions

• Usually 50 to 60 minutes, weekly or fortnightly
• The counsellor hears from both of you
• You learn tools to listen and talk without blaming
• Some sessions may be individual

Finding a counsellor

• Look for someone registered with a recognised professional body in your country
• Check they have training in couples work
• Ask about fees, online sessions and cancellation
• Ask whether your employer’s assistance programme covers counselling

Getting the most from it

• Go in wanting to understand, not to win
• Practise between sessions
• Be honest, even when it is uncomfortable
• Give it several sessions before judging

Frequently asked questions

What if my partner won’t go?

You can start individual counselling. Changes in you can still change the relationship.

Is counselling safe if there is abuse?

Joint counselling is usually not recommended where there is abuse or coercive control. Seek specialist support instead.

But counselling means our relationship is failing

It means you care enough to invest in it. Many strong couples use counselling at difficult times.

Sources: British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, Relate, World Health Organization.